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I have been walking around with the above beard for sometime. It is a styled full beard that, depending on various factors, is more or less pointy. In the past few weeks people have been complementing me on my goatee. A barista at Metropolis coffee one of my favorite haunts in Edgewater, last week began to so complement me on my goatee and then stumbled over himself saying "Well Iguess its not a goatee is it, but I... uh... the pointy bit ..."
I have come to conclude that the cause of this sartorial confusion is due to the preponderance of the untamed "I could be an Orthodox monk if I didn't like sex so much" beard that I am told is all the rage among hipsters who can grow facial hair. And I have observed that the untamed monk beard has become more common among those sporting facial hair.
As a goth, who does not feel the need to have my beard eat my face, and as clergy, who is married and Protestant and thus the monk avenue isn't realy available to me, I am perhaps in a unique position to help clarify satorial terminology of facial hair.
Most assume that the circle of hair around the mouth uper lip and sides of mouth and chin is a goatee, I in fact assumed this until very recently. Such a style of facial hair is a Genial (or as I like to say a moutee, because its fun to say). Technically a goatee is simply the tuft of hair on the chin that makes one look like a goat. Also not a goatee is a mustache and a hair on the chin (often pointed like my current styling of my beard), but rather a Van Dyke. There is also the soul patch but I know only one person who pulls that off successfully so we will simply pass over it in silence.
I did have a moutee for about six years (about 11 years ago), and then decided to shave it off and my wife discovered I had no chin and hid in the bathroom for a couple of days, and I began growing a beard immediately. The point of my beard evolved over time but it's been pointy since about 2003 or so, I think.
In fairness as another friend of mine said the satorial terminology of facial hair is obscure and arcane, and even highly disputed. This handy guide slightly contradicts what I said above and backed up by the Wikipedia articla on Goatee. I offer it as a potential handy guide and if you must have a term for my styled beard it appearantly is a "ducktail", it would seem. But even according to this slightly different taxonomy of facial hair I do not, I repeat, I do not have a goatee!
Pastor Larry:
ReplyDeleteI, for one, would have *never* called your beard a goatee. Like yourself, I'm somewhat amused by facial hair terminology, though I do find anything other than a full-on beard (though not necessarily of the mountain man fullness) or a Van Dyke to be mere dilettantism. I will grant a mustache-only to those who, like Mr. Selleck, can grow a respectable one; otherwise they resemble a porn star or it makes them look like they haven't hit puberty yet. Soul patches are allowed only if you play jazz in night clubs for a living.
All the above notwithstanding, I have not infrequently toyed with the idea of shaving off my beard. Unfortunately, ever since I grew back my beard from a Van Dyke because Sofie, a toddler, had finally stopped grabbing my beard and pulling it at just that spot that brought tears to my eyes, my daughters have only known me with a beard. They are old enough now that when I ask them what they would think if I shaved off my beard, they give a very decided "No, daddy!"
So, unless I'm required to shave the thing off for work, it stays.
Oh, and one more thing. I truly, truly envy those men who can pull off the mountain man/Elijah the Prophet full beard. My good, good friend from our parish had such a beard for many years. My envy was to a degree I almost had to bring it to the confessional.
ReplyDeleteBut then my friend trimmed it down, so my temptation to envy has been removed.
This has to be one of the top-10 greatest internet posts of all time.
ReplyDeleteBenedict Seraphim,
ReplyDeleteDon't get me started on the moustache, unless it is of the handle bar variety and you are Steampunk!
We seem to have similar preferences though, I do not have your envy of the mountain man/Elijah the Prophet full beard. A trimmed and styled beard is the way to go in my opinion.
Why Thank you Jason. Glad you enjoyed the post.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking with the authority of one who double majored in studio art and art history, I say just do the Dali already!
ReplyDelete